no I don't understand it all but I have a small inkling

When you have children it really changes ones outlook on things. It is bad enough when you have to punish your kids and take your kids to go get shots and the such. I remember my mom saying to me once, "this hurts me more than it hurts you". Yeah right I thought. She loved punishing me and making my life miserable. Well here I am and I have done exactly something I told myself I would never do. Which is to say that very saying my mom would tell me.

Anyways, Kota and his "punisher" (well that is what I call his mouth piece thingy) is really stressing me and him. He has tears in his eyes and asks me to take it out. I cannot. I want to. I hate seeing his pain and hurt. I see the red, raw cheeks that look so "ouch". He hates the wax that makes his cheeks look more puffy like a chipmunk. It is a battle for him to eat. If you know Kota's eating habits before this just worsen it about 100x's. We go round and round with food and he cannot afford to lose weight.
Well, yesterday I was really stressing about his "punisher" cause he finally felt it in his nose expanding. Man I hated myself when I turned the key in his mouth and his eyes watered and he says my nose!

I have no understanding of what God may have felt when he sent Jesus to be condemened for my sins the way he did. But I am sure that it was similar to the way I feel now with Kota. I want to help him but I cannot. It is for everyone's best interest that this happens no matter how uncomfortable and painful it may be. You want what is best for those you love and sometimes you just have to go through things that you don't want to go through. I keep telling Kota, it is to benefit him. Imagine how awesome things will be when we are done. I am putting my son through this because I love him. This is not even a sliver of what God has done for me and you by sending his son but it is an inkling of understanding what he went through. We all have done it. Taken our kids to get shots, fillings, tests, whatever. We did it cause we loved them and we wanted their lives to be better and healthier. The amazing thing is that Kota trust us that we are doing this to help him. That we are doing this cause we love him and have his best interest at heart. He doesn't question it. He has said he does not want to do it but knows he has to.

I thank God and Jesus that they did what they had to do for me and you. So that we can have better and healthier lives. So that we can live eternally. We just need to trust them. We need to obey and keep on keeping on.