Friday, May 19, 2006
i thought thinking gets me in trouble
but actually saying what I think gets me in more trouble. Such as today when I was thinking about people in my life. Then I thought what if something tragic happened to me (or my family). Would many of these people that I don't see or talk to suddenly reappear in my life? Would they be sending me their prayers, concerns, condolenses, and well wishes? Okay this is where saying what I think gets me in trouble. I don't want these people to just suddenly reappear and say that they have missed me. Or to say we have been praying for you and all the other politically correct things to say to one who is having or dealing with a crisis. I want people in my life who say that they care about me, to come see and talk with me when I am alive and healthy. Not just show up at my funeral and mention something nice to my family. Not just show up at my home or hospital with thoughts and concerns when I am ill. Not to mention to a friend of mine that they heard what happened and would they send their thoughts along. No! Send them yourself. You know how to pick up a phone! You know where I live! I want these caring, loving people that miss me to be there in my life when I am alive and healthy. Sure everyone is busy! We all lose track of people we care about and love. We all grow and change. But still send a note, phone call, or email every so often just to keep in touch. It is something I am going to work on too! I don't want to just be a person who shows up during a crisis or trying time!
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18 comments:
These feelings are not from rational thoughts.
Anyone would love to hear from old friends they haven't heard from in awhile if for some reason they were now not doing so well. That's usually the ultimate time to reconcile a relationship that has otherwise been neglected.
When Tonia and I lost our baby we got a vase of flowers from Sam and Laura Walsh whom we never really talked to. Now they are suddenly sending us flowers? That was wonderful. It didn't matter to us that we hardly talked before that. It mattered that they cared enough to send us condolences. (what is telling is the fact that some of the friends we DID regularly talk to said nothing to us.) Would it surprise anyone that Sam is now one of my dearest friends?
When tragedy strikes you don't care who says what when. If you feel otherwise, perhaps you're holding on to something you shouldn't be.
(Did saying what I think just get me in trouble?)
oh no! it didn't get you in trouble. like i said i was just thinking and sometimes thinking outloud gets me in trouble :) I think there are appropriate times when you can send someone a note of concern. But lets not wait until something bad has happened!
I also wanted to clarify that when I was thinking this, I was thinking what if a tragedy happened and I was like in the hospital in a coma or something nevre to come out of it. These people I would have loved to haved talked to, but I would not be able to in my condition. That is where I came to the conclusion that I don't want to wait til a tragedy. Please do it when I am healthy and alive. It is something I also said I needed to work on. Nothing personal that I am holding on to! Just thinking.
Oh and what girl/woman is ever rational! hee hee
I've thought of and rejected several things to say in comment. I'll settle for now to admit that this is an area I need to work on personally. Some of our Monday night discussions have contained similar themes. I'm glad you think outloud Michelle! Keep it up!
I completely agree that we should try to do it before it comes to the tragedy if it is possible. That is definitly the best possible scenario.
I can remember someone I know who had a really close friend who's friendship had fallen away for various reason. Then that person lost a close relative and the old friend did not come to the funeral, send a note of consolation, call...nothing. That person was more hurt by that than by losing the initial friendship. To let some petty differences get inbetween them to the point where you could not even console in a time of need was so sad.
I guess that was my point. To me, when you are in need is when you truly see who cares about you.
I appreciate your thoughts! :)
This too is something that I will have to work on. I think a lot of times that there when hurts occur, we think time will be the best healer. But, as I am learning, it only tends to hide hurts, not heal them.
Great thoughts today.
I totally get your point (maybe that is why we are friends)! If you are truly concerned or care about a person you should reach out to them at ALL times not just when something bad happens. I think that you can reach out to folks you don't know and that by doing that you can form a friendship and sometimes tradgedy can bring people back together, but I believe that the point is, is that you should not wait until something bad happens to someone to reach out, if you love this person reach out before something bad happens!!!! If you wait it just might be too late!! And that proves the point that you didn't care enough... But hey I'm jusy dizzy anyway!!
Your thoughts make me think of a situation with Mike. He tried numerous times to mend a strained relationship with someone he was very close to...only to hear, "I have no desire to meet with you at this time". Then when Mike's aunt passed away guess who showed up with hugs? I don't get that!
Sounds like a stand up guy to me. To have no desire to meet with somebody for various reasons, yet willing to sacrifice his feelings to authentically express remorse and console that person after they lost an Aunt. All that while people are still judging him on his motives. wow.
Bigger man than me for sure.
Michelle,
I guess in all your years as a christian you missed the very heart of being one. That even if you don't agree or even like a person your integrity is shown through your kindness to those people. Doesn't the bible read that it is easy to be kind to friends, the real test is to be kind to your enemies? You seem to want to live in some dream world where you have to be kind to only those you are "friends" with. As for you Julie, your example is a perfect one of a person who can look past differnces is still show compassion.
thanks Michelle, that is exacly why I did not respond again yesterday...I pray that a stand up guy would want to mend a broken relationship with someone who cares deeply for him and has offered love and forgivness. People can agree to disagree in love and respect for each other.I'm glad I missed the deleted comment...I'm sad it was from a "Christian".
dear anonymous,
it is sad that you have never taken the time to really get to know me. for if you had, you would know what i am talking about. you would know that i do things for many ppl that i dont like or for my so called enemies. I also want to thank you for judging me as a christian without giving me the opportunity to know who the one who judeges me is. i posted earlier why i wrote about my thoughts. then i thought no i really dont have to explain myself. so i deleted it.
but here goes...
my sis told me she ran into a good friend of mine from high school. this friend of mine rsvp'd for my wedding and bridal shower but chose not to show up. i had talked with her after the fact but she did not want to tell me why. we stayed friends. i continually called her and wrote to her. she stopped all correspondance years ago. then she runs into my sis a couple of months ago and tells my sis to tell me......
this just made me think about ppl in my life that is all.
other reason is my brother. we live in the same town and only talk and visit with each other when it is a family function. i pondered about this and thought how sad. i have discussed this with him and we are going to strive to do better. these are the thoughts i was having when i made this original post. if ppl think it had anything to do with something that happened a year or so ago, well you are wrong. that is done with. please go back and read my post again. and not just parts of it but the whole thing without reading in between the lines!
i love everyone, even my enemies. doesn't mean i have to be around them or want them floating around the visitors room when i am sick in the hospital.
about the post someone made about a visitor at the funeral. i personally can see both sides. and i feel that the person that visited the funeral did a very respectable and commendable thing. and i dont see where ppl are judging him "still" for his "motives"!
that was a family he had ties with for a long time. why would he not show up?
now lets all get along
agree to disagree
and to anonymous
since i am the christian that i am i forgive you for your comments!
have a blessed day!
Alright. Now that we've got all that out of the way, let's get back to probing the original theory. :)
In your last comment you said, "I love everyone, even my enemies. Doesn't mean I have to be around them or want them floating around the visitors room when I am sick in the hospital."
Let's chase that a bit. If we really love everyone, (including our enemies), wouldn't that stand to reason that we would not necessarily need (want) to hang around and visit people on a normal basis to be able to express our concern for them when they are ill? Because, after all, we still really do love the person, we just don't hang around them all the time.
I can think of a few instances personally. For example, I have never hung out with Dan Higgins. I have never called him and chatted on the phone about the weather. We've never watched Nascar together. All we've ever done is cracked jokes with each other at church. Yet I still consider him a friend and really want to go visit him. Should I not? Am I a bad person because I've never called him before that?
----
One last side bar. I would like to apologize to Julie for jumping down her throat a bit. I got a little defensive, but I'm pretty sure that stand up guy can fend for himself.
Michelle,
I believe most everybody reading this post came to the same conclusion I did in what you were percieved to be talking about. I won't apologize for it so I don't need forgiveness in it. With the examples that followed it was safe to assume this was the point in the topic. Yes, people are STILL judging this person and every MOTIVE he has. It doesn't matter what this guy does he always seems to be "wrong" in what he does. Take Julie for example, it wouldn't have mattered what he did somebody would have found something wrong in his response.
my final comment: I too am sorry Russell, I love and miss your family very much...especially your mom. I've been gone all day and worrying that I was misunderstood and offended someone. My original comment was not in judgement of his motives, I truely did not understand. After reading many responses, I do see another side I didn't see before. I think it blessed many people that he did come and I can see that now. By being able to communicate peacefully it helps to understand each other and not jump to conclusions about what we thought they meant. Again, I apologize if anyone was offended.
know what, i can see some of your perceptions. there was a person in middle school that i could not stand. did not want to be around them. but then in high school she became one of my best friends. how ironic that someone that was my so called enemy would become my friend? yet is it anymore ironic that this is the same friend that did not show up at my shower and wedding. not quite sure what to make of that.
another thought is that in my opinion i dont think i have any real enemies! if i do i love you, just dont visit me in the hospital. lol ;)
russ many of the situations you have mentioned are of acquaintances in my opinion (which as some of you feel is not very good) i have no problem with dropping a card in the mail or making a phone call saying that i heard about your illness with acquaintances or social friends.
What i am talking about is the people that state that they miss me or love me. They said they were true family and friends. Then they choose to not talk to me or visit with me when i am alive and healthy unless they run into me. and this is where i am told, "OH i miss you". "oh i love and care about you so much." really what a strange way to show it. and remember i said this includes me, that this was something that i need to work on.
ahhhhhhh a revelation. i am mentioning the word love there. and as i have stated i love my enemies. ok! what i mean is that if you go around stating that you miss ME. (not yelling there) and if you love Me. which i dont think my enemies are doing. why would my enemy say that they love me. therefore in my stinking opinion i can still pray for my enemies and barr them from the hospital wing.
i am not naming enemies by name and saying that i love (insert enemies name here). Then contradict what i am saying with, i dont want them in the visitors room. remember i have no enemies ;)
last comment (i think) on this post before i decide to delete the whole thing because of the feelings it has incurred. no where in my original post did i mention friends. I said people in my life! i will keep this post on as long as people can be respectful of others comments and opinons. and as long as people here are not finger pointing. it is not nice! many of my family reads this. my cousins in Europe and around the usa. And many of them are not christians. let us show them what a christian is please. a person who is striving to be like Jesus. Not perfect but washed in Him every day!
I enjoy stimulating conversation and i enjoy topics where people might see something that i do not. I would not be where i am today if many people did not inform me of things that i no longer hold to be true. have a great day!
People should not personalize comments or feelings like Michelle has shared, because people said or do hippocritcal things. It makes us angry, or annoys us. It does not make her a bad christian and does not reflect her heart! And folks judging her or jumping on her for stating how she feels need to take a closer look at themselves. We all have preferences and things that annoy us and nothing she said was wrong, it was how people reacted personally that was wrong. We ALL need to be better people, we ALL need to love more and we ALL need to stop bing hippocrites, and if you are going to criticize or share your view you need to have the courage to own up to your comments, that is just my opinion, and I'll admit that I am horribly flawed and only saved by grace, so I will not need a lecture.
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